#100 days of honesty Day 10: Trouble

“I remember a lot of dreams. Sometimes they are hard to distinguish from what has really happened. That is not so terrible. It is the same with books.” 

“But that's life. That's what you learn from; when things happen. Especially at your age. You just have to take it in and remember to think afterwards and not forget and never grow bitter.” 

“Then she turns to me. 'Tell me. How are you really?' she says, as if there were two versions of my life, and now she is not on the verge of tears at all, but sharp-voiced as an interrogator.” 

- Per Petterson, Out Stealing Horses

I heard of the above mentioned book thanks to someone recommending it on Instagram and I really would like to read it some time later this winter. This is one of the reason why I like Instagram: if you follow the right people you can hear about so many new books, places and music, and get good nutrition and workout tips. Of course there is quite much noise as well but just like in real life it depends on your sensors what you let in and what you shut out.

Today I had a mini crisis in my project again but could get back to the neutral level thanks to some self-coaching. I feel so that this time is quite vulnerable for me. May be this is why I started the #100daysofhonesty mini campaign right now. 

I want to learn again how to lead a life where my goals and values are the core priority and everyday sh.. or my own uncontrolled reactions do not take away my energy from focusing on important things and moving forward.

It happens to me often that when I feel that now everything is on the right track something happens as if life would test me and also question my part results a bit. The conclusion is always the same: you can not get love and respect from others until you do not love and respect yourself fully through your thoughts and actions. And even so you have to learn not to take disappointments personally. There can be so many reasons why people disappoint you and can not give you what you want. May be you might not give them either what they want which can be the reason why they act so. 

Eitherways I believe that you can have a system what is mostly self-dependent. It does not mean that you can not love others truly. It means more that you do not need always other people to make you feel good. You can feel good, be happy, be healthy and accept what happens but also what doesn't. You can cut the recovery times after disapointments shorter and move on easier- thus respect life and time more.

As I am writing here everyday I realize that it actually helps. I believe that when we learn to admit to our problems and also try to find ways to solve them it does good not only for us but for our whole environment. 

Now I am at 10 percent of hundred days. There are luckily ninety more days to go. My main goals related to this blog are to find out what I really want to say and how can I say it in a better, more organized way. The other goal is to find out what parts of photography are really important to me and why. And if I want to be more online or reach people with my photos in real life and find the right workflow and platforms to do it more effectively. My last but not least important goal is to lead a healthy life, have inner balance and feel fulfilled.